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Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Skills to Create a Thriving Culture

June 2, 2020 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

Think of the best manager you ever had during your career. What is it or was it about this person that made him or her so great? When I reflect back on the person who comes to mind for me, what stands out was my manager’s ability to stay calm in difficult situations, to be supportive and encouraging – a person who saw the best in me, even when I couldn’t. This manager listened to my ideas, and those of others on the team, and always made us comfortable to speak up, even if we had differing views. Additionally, this manager never hesitated to share information so that we all had the opportunity to learn and grow. No matter the situation, this manager had the capability to determine what was needed and address that need accordingly. Decades later, I still feel the positive impact of working for, what I learned later, was an emotionally intelligent leader.

EQ / IQ / Style

Much has been written about emotional intelligence over the years and many models of EQ exist. One of those models, brought to us by John Wiley and Sons, defines emotional intelligence as:

EQ: “the ability to read the emotional and interpersonal needs of a situation and respond appropriately…even if it’s difficult”.¹

Some organizations have embraced the concept of EQ and have actively helped their leaders to develop these skills. Such forward-thinking companies are finding that they are much better prepared to adapt and pivot quickly. Cultures are created where employees are engaged and motivated which significantly improves retention and positively impacts the bottom line. Unfortunately, for many organizations, developing leaders’ skills in this area has not been a high priority. Consequently, many leaders find themselves far outside their comfort zones when dealing with interpersonal issues in the workplace.

Data consistently shows the link between EQ and leadership effectiveness.² A leader’s ability to demonstrate the behaviors and mindsets of emotional intelligence is as important, if not more so, as their:

IQ: the skills, knowledge, and capability a leader possesses and the ability to apply that to problem-solve or meet goals, and
Behavioral style: how leaders approach their work and relationships.

A Solution

When it comes to leading yourself and others through the challenges being faced as we move through the pandemic, emotional intelligence skills are more critical than ever to cultivate. As leaders strive to rebuild businesses, show empathy to employees dealing with a myriad of stressors both inside and outside of work, manage their own cadre of emotions, make decisions during great ambiguity, and so on, there is a need to understand our emotional intelligence mindsets, leverage our strengths, and take action to improve the areas requiring more effort. Doing so will improve our ability to read situations and respond in a constructive way.

The good news is that there is now a program, Everything DiSC® Agile EQ™, that helps organizations and people adapt to whatever the future may hold, so that when it arrives, they are ready to meet the challenge. The power in the program lies in the combination of practical application and personalized learning. Each participant learns their likely EQ strengths based on their DiSC® behavioral style. Then, they receive specific feedback around their EQ opportunities with actionable recommendations to learn methods to stretch outside their comfort zone as circumstances may require.

Tips to Start Building EQ

Here are a few key tips³ to begin enhancing emotional intelligence. Some of these may be easier for you than others. With practice, those that are more of a stretch will take less effort.

Take a breath to help you stay calm in high pressure moments.
Separate emotions from the facts to see situations more clearly.
Confront issues that may impact important standards and goals.
Assert your conviction about your opinions and ideas.
Take concrete steps to transform your ideas into reality.
Put aside time and energy to create and maintain relationships with others.
Listen for what is not being said in interactions and use inquiry to draw out and understand the other person’s perspective.
Stay open to other’s ideas and be willing to compromise or even set aside your own preferences for the good of the team or a colleague.

Take Action

Dutra Associates, LLC is now offering Everything DiSC® Agile EQ. If you want to develop the leaders and teams who will be nimble and agile in facing challenges, both now and in the future, please contact me to discuss your organization’s needs. Both the assessment and subsequent training to deepen the learning can be conducted virtually to support remote workers. We also can support you and your team with virtual individual and group coaching to help support the development and application of emotionally intelligent mindsets.

¹ Agility Unlocked | Revealing the Connection Between Agility and Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley and Sons, Inc., 2020

² John Wiley and Sons, Inc. 2020 Agile Organization Survey Results; The Impact of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership on Talent Retention, Discretionary Effort and Employment Brand, Benjamin R. Palmer and Gilles Gignac, Vol. 44 NO. 1 2012, pp 9-18 © Emerald Group Publishing Limited, ISSN 0019-7858 | INDUSTRIAL AND COMMERCIAL TRAINING

³ Agility Unlocked | Revealing the Connection Between Agility and Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley and Sons, Inc., 2020

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development, Career and Retirement Coach and Facilitator who works with corporate leaders in small to mid-size businesses, across the span of their careers. She helps them to accelerate business outcomes and team performance, navigate their own career path, and transition to retirement with ease using proven methodologies and strategies that get results. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Adaptability: A Key Management Skill for Challenging Times

May 5, 2020 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

As I write this, parts of the United States are beginning to allow some businesses to slowly re-open. Over time, more and more people will be going back to work. If you are a middle manager, you might be inclined to attempt a ‘business as usual’ approach as your team returns. Yet, there is nothing usual about the path forward. Most of us are experiencing the greatest ambiguity, volatility and complexity that we have been faced with in our entire personal and professional lives. There is no roadmap to follow, no prescription to cure the impact that COVID-19 has had on every aspect of our lives. A key management skill that is especially critical to your success right now is your level of adaptability. How able are you to adapt or adjust to new conditions?

As a middle manager, you are on the front lines with your team. It is your role to execute on the strategies that senior leaders set forth. And, it is equally your role to be there for your team and create an environment where people can be open about their concerns. You will be walking a tightrope as you strive to balance between empathetically helping your team cope with the stress they are feeling and ramping up productivity. There is no way to know what is coming next. Will stay at home orders start up again in the fall? Will there be furloughs or layoffs ahead? When will business rise to pre-COVID levels? No one has the answers.

So, rather than focus on what is out of your control, help your team to get focused on what they can control or influence. Draw on the key strengths of your team, provide them with the latitude and support to do their work, and keep yourself in a positive frame of mind as a model to your team. Developing your capacity for adaptability can support you in these challenging times to be the manager that you would like to be. Here are a few tips to consider:

Learn: You do not need to have all the answers. Being curious, asking questions, and involving others in finding the way forward will generate innovative solutions and commitment to your evolving business.
Be mindful of the conversation in your head: What are you telling yourself? Self-doubt will paralyze you and prevent you from taking what might be some necessary bold moves.
Step outside your comfort zone: Everyone is in new territory. Expand your horizons and try new approaches. Leaning too heavily on what is already known to you will slow your progress. Experimenting with new possibilities is what is called for now.
Take small steps forward: In the current environment, the best strategy is one in which you use what you know right now to determine just your very next step. When you take that step, check for the result and let that determine the next small step. Small steps in unknown territory allow for easy course correction.
Show yourself some compassion: Not every step will have the intended result. Let that be okay. Rather than spending any time on beating yourself up, instead look at what you might learn that will inform your next move.

No matter the situation, your ability to lead is tied directly to how you choose to behave. Your ability to choose your behavior versus react to circumstances is improved through self-care. Ensure that you ask for the support you need from your own manager and lean on your colleagues so that you are grounded, calm and empathetic. Practice the skill of adaptability and you will be primed to lead your team through this crisis.

Navigating the Emotional Roller Coaster of Change Transitions

April 16, 2020 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar…
“I – I hardly know, Sir, just at present,” Alice replied rather shyly, “at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.”

Lewis Carroll
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland¹

What have you felt since COVID-19 impacted nearly every corner of our world and every aspect of our lives? Have there been days when you’ve felt a bit like Alice – changing multiple times throughout the day? I know I have.

Over the last couple of months, we have experienced change unlike any other we’ve been exposed to in our lifetime. To successfully navigate through this time as a leader, you must take a step back to recognize and acknowledge the full impact of the changes raining down upon us. Then, choose how you wish to respond and manage the impact on you as well as on your team. In other words, logic and action alone aren’t enough to save the day. We must pay attention to the emotional roller coaster that accompanies all change, particularly the drastic changes we are currently facing.

Bridges’ Transition Model

Many researchers have explored and written about change and its’ effect on people. What they have all discovered are patterns in how we react and respond to change that are quite consistent across the human experience. The model that I have used most extensively with leaders is William Bridges’ 3 Stage Transition Model consisting of Endings – Neutral Zone – New Beginnings.

Change vs Transition

Before we look at each of the stages, let’s make a distinction between change and transition. What tends to create the challenge for us isn’t the change itself but the process of adjusting to it and moving from the old reality to the new. You see, change is external, situational, and often out of our control. In this case, the COVID-19 pandemic is the external change. The internal emotional and psychological process we go through to come to terms with the change is the transition. Consequently, we must turn our attention to the transition process. It is within this process that we will find what we can control – our response.

Endings

In Bridge’s model the first phase is Endings. This phase begins with the external event and our realization that the change is really happening. So, think back to when you first learned about COVID-19. Then, consider what occurred when it first hit your country. Then, your local area. Then, perhaps you or someone you know. At what point did you realize that we truly had a pandemic on our hands? When did you find yourself moving from the known to the unknown? This is when your Endings phase began. You likely experienced any number of emotions including denial, anger, fear, anxiety, grief, frustration or depression. Cycling between these emotions is common as well (e.g. anger one moment, fear the next). You may still be experiencing them.

Keep in mind that your colleagues and team members were and are experiencing their own emotions. What can you do to support those around you during this stage and help them to let go of the way things were?

Acknowledge and validate the emotions that others are experiencing
Articulate what is actually coming to an end. Determine what might be lost as a result of the change and what might stay the same
Communicate, communicate, communicate

Neutral Zone

The Neutral Zone represents the phase of transition where we have started to let go of the old way of being but haven’t yet found our footing in a new reality. Typical emotions that arise during this phase include uncertainty, confusion, overwhelm or frustration. While there is a lack of a solid foundation in this phase, we do begin to experiment with new possibilities. Using our COVID-19 example again, you might find yourself feeling a bit numb, overtired, struggling to get used to working from home, or overwhelmed by suddenly becoming your children’s teacher. Yet, you’re also beginning to realize that what you are feeling is natural – that you are not alone. As you move through this phase, you gain perspective and more effectively cope with uncertainty which allows you to begin to see possibilities for taking positive action.

Everyone moves through this phase at a different pace. Don’t try to rush it. As a leader, you can support others by:

Continuing to listen and communicate
Trying new things
Encouraging the progress that people are making
Giving yourself and others time to process

Beginnings

The final stage of the model is New Beginnings. This phase is marked by acceptance of the change and a renewed sense of energy that propels action. When we have successfully moved into the New Beginning, we have embraced the new reality and started to experience solid ground again. In our example, our teams will have adjusted to a new way of working, established a new structure to their day, and found a new rhythm. Creative ways of contributing to the team begin to emerge along with new ways of doing business. During this phase, emotions shift in a more positive direction. You might be feeling excitement, optimism, and a greater sense of motivation.

What can you do to support people in this stage?

Set an intention for how you choose to move forward
Encourage others to continue taking small steps each day
Stay focused on solutions versus problems
Proactively offer and ask for support from others

Conclusion

Viewing transition in terms of William Bridges’ three stages helps you understand that the needs, challenges and opportunities presented by change can be managed as a progression of responses. Your ability to understand this and apply it to yourself as well as to help your team transition during change will go a long way to making any type of change you deal with less daunting.

Where are you in the process of change? Where is your team? What might you do today to accept where you and others are in the process and to navigate your way successfully through the massive change we are experiencing?

Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. New York: Signet Books, 1960, 47.

Reference:
Bridges, William. Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, 2^nd Edition. Boston, MA: Da Capo Press, 2004.

Transformational Presence Series: Part Four: The Four Levels of Engagement

March 15, 2018 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

In the final blog of this series on Transformational Presence, I’d like to share a model with you called the Four Levels of Engagement. The purpose behind this model is to bring awareness to how we ‘show up’ in relation to the daily events and circumstances we face in our personal and professional lives. This model is really just a description of what we’re all experiencing internally, all the time. When we work through this model, we’re choosing to slow down enough to see the inner workings of our level of engagement. We can take any situation or challenge and notice how we engage with it in a particular way.

To explain and demonstrate this model, let’s take a situation that we’ve likely all experienced at some point in our lives – a client or colleague who frequently is late for, misses or cancels meetings at the last minute. You are now faced with the fifth time in two months that this has occurred.

Drama

So, let’s step into the first level of engagement which is Drama. The initial internal dialogue might go something like this. “Are you kidding me?”, “What is he thinking?”, “I’m honoring the time on my calendar for him, why can’t he do the same?” That’s the level of engagement of Drama. So, I know none of you reading this EVER goes to that place of drama, right? But, I’ll admit, sometimes, I can go to a dramatic place. So Drama is an either/or, black or white, whose fault is it, type of space. It’s a criticism or a complaint. And then, after there has been time to vent, we might start to move into another level of engagement which is Situation.

Situation

Now, Situation sounds like this. “So, I’m going to need to address this. Let me sit down and prepare and I’ll go through the 5 steps to having a difficult conversation so I can take care of this.” Situation is about fixing the problem. It’s about getting it off my desk, moving on, getting it over with and getting it done. Often, for a while, these situational approaches will work, as has been pointed out earlier in this series. The problem-solving done here will likely lead to an okay result but one that typically isn’t sustainable for the long haul. So, when we run into the same situation again, we look for the next solution or drop back into Drama again and then shift back into Situation.

Choice

At some point, if we’re willing to go deeper, there’s a third option that shows up where we begin to notice there’s an invitation to ask the question, “Who do I want to be in this situation?” or “How do I want to show up?” Taking this deeper perspective breaks out of Drama and Situation into Choice, which is the next level of engagement. So, as we ask ourselves those questions, the answer in this circumstance might be, “I want to be a person who is both compassionate toward my client’s (or colleague’s) competing priorities and confident that we’ll reach a solution that works for both of us.” So that is who this situation is asking for the individual to be and that’s the individual’s choice to show up that way.

Opportunity

From Choice it’s rather easy to move into the 4^th level of engagement which is Opportunity. So, let’s take this same situation into Opportunity. What’s the hidden opportunity of the situation? What wants to happen or evolve out of this? So, as we step into opportunity, there is an opportunity here to evolve as a leader. A leader who not only demonstrates deep commitment and caring for clients or colleagues but also demonstrates the same level of caring and commitment to themselves. That is what wants to emerge.

Four Levels of Engagement Exercise

Now that you have a sense of each of these levels, you’re going to have a chance to play this game. It works best if you physically stand up and step into each of the different levels. If you remain seated, then simply choose a different spot on the floor or around the room to focus on for each level.

Bring to mind a challenging situation with a client, manager or colleague. It could be something current or from the past.

Choose a spot that represents Drama.
Step into the drama of your challenging situation. Close your eyes if you’d like. Really hear, in your mind, what’s happening.
Notice and ask yourself “What’s going on?”

Step back to a neutral spot and repeat the steps above replacing Drama with Situation, then repeat again with Choice, and finally, with Opportunity.

Four Levels of Engagement Debrief

What did you experience? Where has your level of engagement been in past interactions with this person?

What would be different if you approached the challenge from Choice and Opportunity?

How can you apply your awareness of the Four Levels of Engagement in your life and work starting today?

I invite you to share what you discover in the Comments section.

Summary

When we engage with the events and circumstances of life primarily from Drama and Situation, we spend our time primarily on struggle and problem-solving. It can be that feeling of putting out one fire after another. Ultimately, this can be exhausting. On the other hand, when we engage with life mostly from Choice and Opportunity, we step into a powerful place. We are no longer buffeted about by circumstances and choose how we want to respond and focus on the potential that wants to emerge. I invite you to apply the Four Levels of Engagement model in your own life and see what happens.

If you missed the earlier parts of this series, please click here for Navigating a Complex World, here for Part One – The Three Questions, here for Part Two – Becoming Mindful, and here for Part Three – Working with What Is.

For more information about Transformational Presence, please visit: www.transformationalpresence.org

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World and Transformational Presence: The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Transformational Presence Series: Part One – The Three Questions

December 6, 2017 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

Our last blog was focused on Alan Seale’s Transformational Presence approach to leadership and its application to navigating a complex world. If you missed it, please click here. In that post, we announced a four-part series dedicated to exploring a tool or framework of Transformational Presence in each of the next four months. Read on for Part One.

The Three Questions

Let’s start with a focus on the three foundational questions upon which the Transformational Presence approach is built.
1. What wants to happen?
2. Who is that asking me to be?
3. What is that asking me to do?

On the surface, these seem like pretty simple questions. Yet, the beauty of these simple questions is their power to tap into our heart intelligence. Too often, we rely solely on our intellect which is incredibly good at analyzing situations, solving problems and keeping us safe. Our heart intelligence is more visionary. It can take in the big picture and show us the next step to take. One is not better than the other – which is a huge relief to me since I’ve spent most of my life relying primarily on my head. It’s using the head and heart intelligence in concert with one another that is the key. Incorporating our heart intelligence helps to break through overwhelm and complexity and find an element of clarity that can show us the way forward.

A Discovery Process

Let’s take a brief look at each of these questions.

When we ask “What wants to happen?”, we’re open to discovering what the shift might be that wants to take place or what the opportunity or breakthrough is that is waiting to emerge. We are recognizing that there is a message in the situation or circumstance we are faced with and that something “wants to happen” or evolve.

As we look at question #2, “Who is that asking me to be?”, we are exploring how we choose to “show up” in relationship to “what wants to happen”. What are the qualities and personal attributes that we want to express? For example, this might mean being more playful, forthright, resilient, open, etc.

“What is that asking me to do?” is our action question. Rather than this being a question where we try to figure out what to do next, instead we are inviting “what wants to happen” to reveal the next step to us. Then, after we take that next step, we go back to question 1 and repeat the cycle.

While we navigate the complexity of our world, we typically go directly to the third question and try to figure out what actions we need to take and how will we execute on them. Yet, if we begin to consider that every situation or circumstance we encounter might have a message for us, we can start to develop a new approach. No longer is it reasonable to plan far out into the future. Our world is changing too quickly for that. Instead, if we apply these three questions to everything that we do, we can be shown the way, one step at a time.

An Exercise to Get You Started

Here is an exercise that Alan shared with us in our recent Transformational Presence – Leadership in Action course. I invite you to experiment with this as a means to begin applying this approach to your own life and work.

Bring to mind an opportunity available to you, personally, or to your company or business right now. Then, ask yourself The Three Questions. Really listen, sense and feel the answers that come. This is a no judgment zone – let whatever experience you have with these questions be okay. It does take practice to quiet our minds so that our heart can be heard.

Then, please feel free to share your experience with us in the comments section. And, if you’d like to learn more, you can purchase Alan Seale’s book here.

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

Navigating a Complex World

November 20, 2017 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

Our world is becoming increasingly complex and the ability to navigate ambiguity is now, more than ever, a critical leadership and life skill. We all have challenges we face throughout our life and work. Often, we react by focusing on finding someone or something to blame for our circumstances. Then, if we can move beyond that initial reaction, we bring our skills and knowledge to bear, look for ways to fix the problem, put a plan of action together, and execute on a solution. Our goal is to get the problem off our desks so that we can move on to the next item on our to-do list.

In some cases, this approach will work, at least for a little while. Yet, many times, the same circumstance will arise again a few weeks or months down the road. We find ourselves solving the same problem over and over again. Our complex world cries out for a new approach. Alan Seale, master teacher and mentor, and the founder of the Center for Transformational Presence, offers an approach to leadership that helps us to navigate this rapidly changing world in powerful ways.

According to Alan, “Transformational Presence is not a model or a formula. It’s a way of living, leading, and serving – an approach that provides a strong foundation for conscious living and conscious leadership. Transformational Presence is also a practical set of skills that, when developed together, build and expand our capacities for awareness, understanding, perception, and effective action – capacities that are essential for navigating today’s rapidly changing world.”

I have had the privilege of attending several of Alan’s workshops and programs over the last decade. Most recently, I attended the Transformational Presence Leadership in Action program in Connecticut. We explored the latest tools and frameworks from Alan’s most recent books, a two part set: Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference in a Rapidly Changing World and its companion, Transformational Presence – The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. During those days, we had the opportunity to immerse ourselves in applying the work to our own circumstances and challenges. I came away with a renewed commitment to fully integrate Transformational Presence approaches in my own life and in my work with individual clients and organizations.

When I was first introduced to this work, eight or so years ago, I have to admit that it felt a little foreign to me. After years of working in large corporations, I had developed a strong set of skills that allowed me to solve problems and execute on goals. While I longed for what the Transformational Presence approach offered, I wasn’t quite ready to take it on board. My logical mind was a little bit skeptical about whether I could actually see myself using the skills and tools with my clients. Yet, something has continued calling me to this work and in the last couple of years, there has been no denying that Transformational Presence will allow my clients and me to make the kind of difference in this world that we long to make.

To support Alan Seale in his mission to share this work, the next four blog posts will each focus on one tool or framework of Transformational Presence. As we start off the tool series in our next post, we will explore the three foundational questions of Transformational Presence:
1. What wants to happen?
2. Who is that asking me to be?
3. What is that asking me to do?

Please stay tuned over the next few months as we explore a few selected components of Transformational Presence. No matter what your role, if you are interested in helping to create a world that works, this will get you started.