relationships – Dutra Associates

6 Keys to Managing Your Most Important Work Relationship

March 6, 2021 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

While all work relationships are important, there is arguably one that is most important. That is the relationship with your manager and it’s often overlooked. Sometimes this is referred to as “managing up” which is primarily concerned with how effectively you work with and can influence your manager.

What makes this relationship especially important? Your manager ultimately determines the types of projects and assignments that are on your plate. Additionally, your manager has influence on your career path and can help connect you to resources within the organization to help you reach your team’s goals.

Here are six keys to help you strengthen this relationship:

Ensure you are clear regarding your manager’s expectations. The job description for your position may provide you with the formal performance requirements for your role, but your manager will likely have additional expectations. Have a discussion with your manager to ensure that you are aligned on the key measures of success, the priority initiatives to execute, and the principles and values that should be reflected in how you carry out your role.
Get to know your manager. What communication style does your manager prefer? What is important to them, both personally and professionally? In what way do they want to receive information and updates from their team members? What types of things are a natural source of frustration for your manager? If you are aware of the answers, you will be better positioned to help your manager be successful.
Look for the good. As humans, we have a natural tendency to be on the lookout for danger, which can cause us to focus on traits and attributes in managers that we don’t like. Even if your manager can be difficult to work with, focus on the things that your manager does well. Look for the opportunities to learn from your manager and acknowledge their contributions and support.
Consider how you can adapt to your manager’s behavioral style. For example, let’s say that your manager is someone who drives for results and you are more of a process-oriented person. It would be important for you to learn how to present your ideas and other communication in a quick, high-level summary format.
Make your manager look good. Doing something that reflects poorly on your manager is a quick route to damaging your relationship. What might you do to increase the level of trust, respect, and confidence that your manager has in you?
Discover ways to free up time and reduce the hassles your manager deals with. Doing so allows your manager to focus on what’s most important and supports their success. So, take the initiative, be solution oriented, provide possible ideas for resolving issues that you must escalate. Be a leader!

The only behavior you can control is your own. Don’t leave the full responsibility for the relationship in your manager’s hands. Some managers are amazing at creating relationships with their team members. Others, not so much. Regardless of the type of manager you report to, being proactive in building a strong relationship with your manager will not only help their success, but also yours.

For more ideas about how to improve relationships and alignment up, down, and across your organization, contact us at Sherry@DutraAssociates.com.

Adapted with permission by Center for Executive Coaching

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development, Career and Retirement Coach and Facilitator who works with corporate leaders in small to mid-size businesses, across the span of their careers. She helps them to accelerate business outcomes and team performance, navigate their own career path, and transition to retirement with ease using proven methodologies and strategies that get results. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Networking – It’s Not a Dirty Word

February 28, 2020 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

When you hear the word “networking”, what immediately comes to mind for you? Do you cringe and want to retreat into the safety of your home? Do you feel as though it’s about pitching your wares, trading business cards and manipulating people? If so, it’s no wonder that you resist doing it. Who wants to feel like they are using others and being viewed as insincere?

A Key Success Factor for Life
Often a key factor of my clients’ success strategy includes networking of some sort. Whether they are:

exploring a new career path,
seeking a new job,
looking to expand their leadership capabilities
starting or building a small business or
considering a transition to retirement,

connecting with and learning from others helps them to reach their goals. However, when networking is brought up, it is often met with resistance and a very undesirable view.

Points to Ponder
Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you come from a perspective of networking that is based on building relationships and seeking opportunities to add value, you can change your entire experience of connecting with others. How might you feel differently about networking if you considered the following questions prior to your next networking opportunity?

What can I share and offer that is valuable to others?
What can I do to help someone else feel comfortable?
How can I contribute to another’s success?
How can I truly listen to what another is saying so I can identify ways to help them?
Who do I know who would be a great connection for this person?
How can I simply engage in a relaxing conversation with someone?
What am I curious about regarding this person?
How can I be my true self and make genuine connections with people?

Call to Action
What does networking mean to you now? Hopefully, you are beginning to see networking in a more positive light. One in which you build relationships based on true connection, integrity and mutual support. I invite you to create an opportunity to network with someone over the next week and focus on building a new relationship or deepen an existing one. Feel free to share how shifting your mindset around networking impacted your experience.

Transformational Presence Series: Part Four: The Four Levels of Engagement

March 15, 2018 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

In the final blog of this series on Transformational Presence, I’d like to share a model with you called the Four Levels of Engagement. The purpose behind this model is to bring awareness to how we ‘show up’ in relation to the daily events and circumstances we face in our personal and professional lives. This model is really just a description of what we’re all experiencing internally, all the time. When we work through this model, we’re choosing to slow down enough to see the inner workings of our level of engagement. We can take any situation or challenge and notice how we engage with it in a particular way.

To explain and demonstrate this model, let’s take a situation that we’ve likely all experienced at some point in our lives – a client or colleague who frequently is late for, misses or cancels meetings at the last minute. You are now faced with the fifth time in two months that this has occurred.

Drama

So, let’s step into the first level of engagement which is Drama. The initial internal dialogue might go something like this. “Are you kidding me?”, “What is he thinking?”, “I’m honoring the time on my calendar for him, why can’t he do the same?” That’s the level of engagement of Drama. So, I know none of you reading this EVER goes to that place of drama, right? But, I’ll admit, sometimes, I can go to a dramatic place. So Drama is an either/or, black or white, whose fault is it, type of space. It’s a criticism or a complaint. And then, after there has been time to vent, we might start to move into another level of engagement which is Situation.

Situation

Now, Situation sounds like this. “So, I’m going to need to address this. Let me sit down and prepare and I’ll go through the 5 steps to having a difficult conversation so I can take care of this.” Situation is about fixing the problem. It’s about getting it off my desk, moving on, getting it over with and getting it done. Often, for a while, these situational approaches will work, as has been pointed out earlier in this series. The problem-solving done here will likely lead to an okay result but one that typically isn’t sustainable for the long haul. So, when we run into the same situation again, we look for the next solution or drop back into Drama again and then shift back into Situation.

Choice

At some point, if we’re willing to go deeper, there’s a third option that shows up where we begin to notice there’s an invitation to ask the question, “Who do I want to be in this situation?” or “How do I want to show up?” Taking this deeper perspective breaks out of Drama and Situation into Choice, which is the next level of engagement. So, as we ask ourselves those questions, the answer in this circumstance might be, “I want to be a person who is both compassionate toward my client’s (or colleague’s) competing priorities and confident that we’ll reach a solution that works for both of us.” So that is who this situation is asking for the individual to be and that’s the individual’s choice to show up that way.

Opportunity

From Choice it’s rather easy to move into the 4^th level of engagement which is Opportunity. So, let’s take this same situation into Opportunity. What’s the hidden opportunity of the situation? What wants to happen or evolve out of this? So, as we step into opportunity, there is an opportunity here to evolve as a leader. A leader who not only demonstrates deep commitment and caring for clients or colleagues but also demonstrates the same level of caring and commitment to themselves. That is what wants to emerge.

Four Levels of Engagement Exercise

Now that you have a sense of each of these levels, you’re going to have a chance to play this game. It works best if you physically stand up and step into each of the different levels. If you remain seated, then simply choose a different spot on the floor or around the room to focus on for each level.

Bring to mind a challenging situation with a client, manager or colleague. It could be something current or from the past.

Choose a spot that represents Drama.
Step into the drama of your challenging situation. Close your eyes if you’d like. Really hear, in your mind, what’s happening.
Notice and ask yourself “What’s going on?”

Step back to a neutral spot and repeat the steps above replacing Drama with Situation, then repeat again with Choice, and finally, with Opportunity.

Four Levels of Engagement Debrief

What did you experience? Where has your level of engagement been in past interactions with this person?

What would be different if you approached the challenge from Choice and Opportunity?

How can you apply your awareness of the Four Levels of Engagement in your life and work starting today?

I invite you to share what you discover in the Comments section.

Summary

When we engage with the events and circumstances of life primarily from Drama and Situation, we spend our time primarily on struggle and problem-solving. It can be that feeling of putting out one fire after another. Ultimately, this can be exhausting. On the other hand, when we engage with life mostly from Choice and Opportunity, we step into a powerful place. We are no longer buffeted about by circumstances and choose how we want to respond and focus on the potential that wants to emerge. I invite you to apply the Four Levels of Engagement model in your own life and see what happens.

If you missed the earlier parts of this series, please click here for Navigating a Complex World, here for Part One – The Three Questions, here for Part Two – Becoming Mindful, and here for Part Three – Working with What Is.

For more information about Transformational Presence, please visit: www.transformationalpresence.org

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World and Transformational Presence: The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

The Book Yourself Solid ® Six Keys to Creating Connection

September 19, 2017 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

If you want a perpetual stream of inspiring and energizing ideal clients clamoring for your services and products, then you must build relationships of trust. Without trust, then it doesn’t matter how well you’ve planned or what you’re offering. If a potential client doesn’t trust you, nothing else matters.

So how do we create connection and build trust? Let’s take a look at the Six Keys to Creating Connection. Knowing the answers to these questions will ensure that the offers you make to prospective clients are right on target.

Who – Who are you trying to create connection with? Who is your target client or customer? The more specific you can be, the better. Once you have done this, choose one person (or organization) within your target market to focus on. Identifying and gearing your marketing to a specific individual (or organization) allows you to make the important emotional connection that is the first step in developing a relationship with your potential client.
Action: Identify your target client or customer.
What – What do they want to buy when they look for you? What are the kinds of products and services they think will solve their problems or help them reach their goals? What’s going on in their life? If you don’t know, put yourself in the shoes of the client or ask your target market. This helps you to look at what is relevant to offer. Be clear on what it is they are looking for rather than what you might like to offer.
Action: What are your potential clients looking for?
Where – Where do they look for the products and services? Is it a referral from a service provider or a friend?; the Chamber of Commerce?; a bookstore?; the web?
Action: Where do your ideal clients look for you?
When – When do they look for what you are offering? What’s the trigger? What needs to happen in their personal or business life for them to purchase your services?
Action: Describe the situations that will likely drive potential clients to seek your products and services.
Why – Why you? How is it that you are the best choice for the people you are meant to serve? What is it that is unique and special about you or the solutions you offer?
Action: Why should your potential clients choose you?
How – How do you want them to engage with you when they find out about you? Sign up for your newsletter?; attend a teleseminar or webinar?; call?; email? What’s the first no barrier to entry thing you want them to do to sample your services?
Action: How do you want your potential clients to interact or engage with you?

Clearly defining these six keys will help you to determine what you want to offer your potential clients as you create your sales process and to build trust and credibility in an authentic way.

The Six Keys to Connection are excerpted from Book Yourself Solid® by Michael Port and is a registered trademark of Michael Port & Associates LLC. Used with permission. Sherry Dutra is a Certified Book Yourself Solid® Coach and Trainer.

Relationships and Value: Considerations for Entrepreneurial Success

March 24, 2017 By Sherry Dutra Leave a Comment

Recently, I read Gerard Adams’ article titled “Social Currency and Your Circle of Influence”. Adams defines social currency as “your value to the world” and your circle of influence as the people you spend the most time with. It’s a great reminder that to grow our entrepreneurial success, we must pay attention to both. So, it prompted me to share some ideas to help you take action.

Evaluate Your Relationships

Let’s start with your circle of influence. While the notion that you begin to take on the traits of those you surround yourself with makes complete sense, how often do you really evaluate the quality of your relationships? As the saying goes, “old habits die hard”. There is often a tendency to continue to hang out with the same people out of habit or because it’s comfortable rather than to take notice of whether it’s a positive relationship or not.

Call to Action – Relationships

Define what a positive or healthy relationship means to you in both your personal and professional life.
Make a list of the key people you spend time with in both environments and note whether they are part of your personal or professional life.
Evaluate each relationship against your definition(s).
- Which ones lift you up?
- Which ones bring you down?
For those that lift you up – identify strategies to continue to nurture and grow each relationship.
For those that bring you down – you have 5 choices
- Stay in it, as is
- Change it
- Change your view of it
- Accept it
- Leave it
Work with someone you trust to help you put a plan in place to grow the positive relationships and effectively manage or shift the negative ones.
Notice what happens as you consciously focus on crafting your circle of influence.

What’s Your Value?

Let’s move to your social currency or the value that you bring to the world. You may be able to immediately articulate the gifts and talents that bring value to those you interact with. If so, go right to the call to action below and jot them down. In some cases, however, you might find that pinpointing the value you offer is more difficult – not because you don’t have value but because it is something that is so easy for you to do, you discount it and don’t see it as valuable. If this sounds like you, enlist the help of those who are positive members of your circle of influence to help you answer the questions below.

Call to Action – Value

What natural gifts, talents and strengths do you bring to your business/work?
What is unique and different about you?
Listen to your emotions while you work. What activity or activities bring out your passion and make you happy or satisfied?
Share your value within your circle of influence and with all you encounter. Shine your light and watch your business grow.

Make a commitment to surround yourself with those who energize and inspire you and leverage your strengths while continuing to grow and develop. The combination will play a key role in your success.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who helps you create consistent, optimal performance using all your capacity and potential in both your work and life. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.