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Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Skills to Create a Thriving Culture

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Think of the best manager you ever had during your career. What is it or was it about this person that made him or her so great?  When I reflect back on the person who comes to mind for me, what stands out was my manager’s ability to stay calm in difficult situations, to be supportive and encouraging – a person who saw the best in me, even when I couldn’t. This manager listened to my ideas, and those of others on the team, and always made us comfortable to speak up, even if we had differing views. Additionally, this manager never hesitated to share information so that we all had the opportunity to learn and grow.  No matter the situation, this manager had the capability to determine what was needed and address that need accordingly. Decades later, I still feel the positive impact of working for, what I learned later, was an emotionally intelligent leader.

EQ / IQ / Style

Much has been written about emotional intelligence over the years and many models of EQ exist. One of those models, brought to us by John Wiley and Sons, defines emotional intelligence as:

  • EQ: “the ability to read the emotional and interpersonal needs of a situation and respond appropriately…even if it’s difficult”.¹

Some organizations have embraced the concept of EQ and have actively helped their leaders to develop these skills. Such forward-thinking companies are finding that they are much better prepared to adapt and pivot quickly. Cultures are created where employees are engaged and motivated which significantly improves retention and positively impacts the bottom line. Unfortunately, for many organizations, developing leaders’ skills in this area has not been a high priority. Consequently, many leaders find themselves far outside their comfort zones when dealing with interpersonal issues in the workplace.

Data consistently shows the link between EQ and leadership effectiveness.² A leader’s ability to demonstrate the behaviors and mindsets of emotional intelligence is as important, if not more so, as their:

  • IQ: the skills, knowledge, and capability a leader possesses and the ability to apply that to problem-solve or meet goals, and
  • Behavioral style: how leaders approach their work and relationships.

A Solution

When it comes to leading yourself and others through the challenges being faced as we move through the pandemic, emotional intelligence skills are more critical than ever to cultivate. As leaders strive to rebuild businesses, show empathy to employees dealing with a myriad of stressors both inside and outside of work, manage their own cadre of emotions, make decisions during great ambiguity, and so on, there is a need to understand our emotional intelligence mindsets, leverage our strengths, and take action to improve the areas requiring more effort. Doing so will improve our ability to read situations and respond in a constructive way.

The good news is that there is now a program, Everything DiSC® Agile EQ™, that helps organizations and people adapt to whatever the future may hold, so that when it arrives, they are ready to meet the challenge. The power in the program lies in the combination of practical application and personalized learning. Each participant learns their likely EQ strengths based on their DiSC® behavioral style. Then, they receive specific feedback around their EQ opportunities with actionable recommendations to learn methods to stretch outside their comfort zone as circumstances may require.

Tips to Start Building EQ

Here are a few key tips³ to begin enhancing emotional intelligence. Some of these may be easier for you than others. With practice, those that are more of a stretch will take less effort.

  • Take a breath to help you stay calm in high pressure moments.
  • Separate emotions from the facts to see situations more clearly.
  • Confront issues that may impact important standards and goals.
  • Assert your conviction about your opinions and ideas.
  • Take concrete steps to transform your ideas into reality.
  • Put aside time and energy to create and maintain relationships with others.
  • Listen for what is not being said in interactions and use inquiry to draw out and understand the other person’s perspective.
  • Stay open to other’s ideas and be willing to compromise or even set aside your own preferences for the good of the team or a colleague.

Take Action

Dutra Associates, LLC is now offering Everything DiSC® Agile EQ. If you want to develop the leaders and teams who will be nimble and agile in facing challenges, both now and in the future, please contact me to discuss your organization’s needs. Both the assessment and subsequent training to deepen the learning can be conducted virtually to support remote workers. We also can support you and your team with virtual individual and group coaching to help support the development and application of emotionally intelligent mindsets.

 

¹ Agility Unlocked | Revealing the Connection Between Agility and Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley and Sons, Inc., 2020

² John Wiley and Sons, Inc. 2020 Agile Organization Survey Results; The Impact of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership on Talent Retention, Discretionary Effort and Employment Brand, Benjamin R. Palmer and Gilles Gignac, Vol. 44 NO. 1 2012, pp 9-18 © Emerald Group Publishing Limited, ISSN 0019-7858 | INDUSTRIAL AND COMMERCIAL TRAINING

³ Agility Unlocked | Revealing the Connection Between Agility and Emotional Intelligence, John Wiley and Sons, Inc., 2020

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development, Career and Retirement Coach and Facilitator who works with corporate leaders in small to mid-size businesses, across the span of their careers. She helps them to accelerate business outcomes and team performance, navigate their own career path, and transition to retirement with ease using proven methodologies and strategies that get results. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Transformational Presence Series: Part Four: The Four Levels of Engagement

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In the final blog of this series on Transformational Presence, I’d like to share a model with you called the Four Levels of Engagement. The purpose behind this model is to bring awareness to how we ‘show up’ in relation to the daily events and circumstances we face in our personal and professional lives. This model is really just a description of what we’re all experiencing internally, all the time. When we work through this model, we’re choosing to slow down enough to see the inner workings of our level of engagement. We can take any situation or challenge and notice how we engage with it in a particular way.

To explain and demonstrate this model, let’s take a situation that we’ve likely all experienced at some point in our lives – a client or colleague who frequently is late for, misses or cancels meetings at the last minute. You are now faced with the fifth time in two months that this has occurred.

Drama

So, let’s step into the first level of engagement which is Drama. The initial internal dialogue might go something like this. “Are you kidding me?”, “What is he thinking?”, “I’m honoring the time on my calendar for him, why can’t he do the same?” That’s the level of engagement of Drama.  So, I know none of you reading this EVER goes to that place of drama, right? But, I’ll admit, sometimes, I can go to a dramatic place. So Drama is an either/or, black or white, whose fault is it, type of space. It’s a criticism or a complaint. And then, after there has been time to vent, we might start to move into another level of engagement which is Situation.

Situation

Now, Situation sounds like this. “So, I’m going to need to address this. Let me sit down and prepare and I’ll go through the 5 steps to having a difficult conversation so I can take care of this.”  Situation is about fixing the problem. It’s about getting it off my desk, moving on, getting it over with and getting it done.  Often, for a while, these situational approaches will work, as has been pointed out earlier in this series. The problem-solving done here will likely lead to an okay result but one that typically isn’t sustainable for the long haul. So, when we run into the same situation again, we look for the next solution or drop back into Drama again and then shift back into Situation.

Choice

At some point, if we’re willing to go deeper, there’s a third option that shows up where we begin to notice there’s an invitation to ask the question, “Who do I want to be in this situation?” or “How do I want to show up?” Taking this deeper perspective breaks out of Drama and Situation into Choice, which is the next level of engagement. So, as we ask ourselves those questions, the answer in this circumstance might be, “I want to be a person who is both compassionate toward my client’s (or colleague’s) competing priorities and confident that we’ll reach a solution that works for both of us.” So that is who this situation is asking for the individual to be and that’s the individual’s choice to show up that way.

Opportunity

From Choice it’s rather easy to move into the 4th level of engagement which is Opportunity. So, let’s take this same situation into Opportunity. What’s the hidden opportunity of the situation? What wants to happen or evolve out of this? So, as we step into opportunity, there is an opportunity here to evolve as a leader. A leader who not only demonstrates deep commitment and caring for clients or colleagues but also demonstrates the same level of caring and commitment to themselves. That is what wants to emerge.

Four Levels of Engagement Exercise

Now that you have a sense of each of these levels, you’re going to have a chance to play this game.  It works best if you physically stand up and step into each of the different levels.  If you remain seated, then simply choose a different spot on the floor or around the room to focus on for each level.

Bring to mind a challenging situation with a client, manager or colleague. It could be something current or from the past.

  1. Choose a spot that represents Drama.
  2. Step into the drama of your challenging situation. Close your eyes if you’d like. Really hear, in your mind, what’s happening.
  3. Notice and ask yourself “What’s going on?”

Step back to a neutral spot and repeat the steps above replacing Drama with Situation, then repeat again with Choice, and finally, with Opportunity.

Four Levels of Engagement Debrief

What did you experience? Where has your level of engagement been in past interactions with this person?

What would be different if you approached the challenge from Choice and Opportunity?

How can you apply your awareness of the Four Levels of Engagement in your life and work starting today?

I invite you to share what you discover in the Comments section.

Summary

When we engage with the events and circumstances of life primarily from Drama and Situation, we spend our time primarily on struggle and problem-solving. It can be that feeling of putting out one fire after another. Ultimately, this can be exhausting. On the other hand, when we engage with life mostly from Choice and Opportunity, we step into a powerful place. We are no longer buffeted about by circumstances and choose how we want to respond and focus on the potential that wants to emerge.  I invite you to apply the Four Levels of Engagement model in your own life and see what happens.

If you missed the earlier parts of this series, please click here for Navigating a Complex World, here for Part One – The Three Questions, here for Part Two – Becoming Mindful, and here for Part Three – Working with What Is.

For more information about Transformational Presence, please visit: www.transformationalpresence.org

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World and Transformational Presence: The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Transformational Presence Series: Part Two – Becoming Mindful

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What does becoming mindful mean to you? We hear so much now about mindfulness and know that it is being practiced by an ever widening array of people including doctors, dancers, business executives, athletes, students, parents, professionals, etc. For good reason. Both science and experience have shown the positive impact of becoming more mindful on all aspects of our lives, both at work and at home.  Definitions of mindfulness vary but all seem to coalesce around similar themes. Mindful magazine defines mindfulness as “being fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us”.

This ability to be present with whatever is happening right now, rather than fretting about the past or worrying about the future is one key to navigating a complex world. To develop Transformational Presence, starting a practice of becoming mindful provides an excellent foundation. To get you started, I invite you to listen to my recording of the Becoming Mindful exercise. In less than 5 minutes, you’ll have an opportunity to be still, take a pause, and listen and notice in a new way.

Come back to this as often as you can.  The more that you practice, the easier it will become and the more benefit you will derive from it. It can be helpful, especially in the beginning, to do this exercise several times per day – perhaps in the morning, at mid-day, and again in the evening. Create consistency in your practice from day to day. Over time, you will begin to notice that your ability to stay present, to respond rather than react, and to sense into what wants to happen next will expand.

Consider experimenting with using this mindfulness practice in conjunction with The Three Questions from Part One of this series.  Notice how the quality of your responses starts to change as you become more present and centered.

Please click below to listen to the Becoming Mindful exercise and I invite you to share your progress in the Comments section.

If you missed the earlier parts of this series, please click here for Navigating a Complex World and here for Part One – The Three Questions.

For more information about Transformational Presence, please visit: www.transformationalpresence.org

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World and Transformational Presence: The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Transformational Presence Series: Part One – The Three Questions

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Our last blog was focused on Alan Seale’s Transformational Presence approach to leadership and its application to navigating a complex world. If you missed it, please click here.  In that post, we announced a four-part series dedicated to exploring a tool or framework of Transformational Presence in each of the next four months.  Read on for Part One.

The Three Questions

Let’s start with a focus on the three foundational questions upon which the Transformational Presence approach is built.
1. What wants to happen?
2. Who is that asking me to be?
3. What is that asking me to do?

On the surface, these seem like pretty simple questions. Yet, the beauty of these simple questions is their power to tap into our heart intelligence. Too often, we rely solely on our intellect which is incredibly good at analyzing situations, solving problems and keeping us safe. Our heart intelligence is more visionary.  It can take in the big picture and show us the next step to take. One is not better than the other – which is a huge relief to me since I’ve spent most of my life relying primarily on my head. It’s using the head and heart intelligence in concert with one another that is the key.  Incorporating our heart intelligence helps to break through overwhelm and complexity and find an element of clarity that can show us the way forward.

A Discovery Process

Let’s take a brief look at each of these questions.

When we ask “What wants to happen?”, we’re open to discovering what the shift might be that wants to take place or what the opportunity or breakthrough is that is waiting to emerge. We are recognizing that there is a message in the situation or circumstance we are faced with and that something “wants to happen” or evolve.

As we look at question #2, “Who is that asking me to be?”, we are exploring how we choose to “show up” in relationship to “what wants to happen”. What are the qualities and personal attributes that we want to express?  For example, this might mean being more playful, forthright, resilient, open, etc.

“What is that asking me to do?” is our action question. Rather than this being a question where we try to figure out what to do next, instead we are inviting “what wants to happen” to reveal the next step to us. Then, after we take that next step, we go back to question 1 and repeat the cycle.

While we navigate the complexity of our world, we typically go directly to the third question and try to figure out what actions we need to take and how will we execute on them.  Yet, if we begin to consider that every situation or circumstance we encounter might have a message for us, we can start to develop a new approach.  No longer is it reasonable to plan far out into the future. Our world is changing too quickly for that. Instead, if we apply these three questions to everything that we do, we can be shown the way, one step at a time.

An Exercise to Get You Started

Here is an exercise that Alan shared with us in our recent Transformational Presence – Leadership in Action course. I invite you to experiment with this as a means to begin applying this approach to your own life and work.

  • Bring to mind an opportunity available to you, personally, or to your company or business right now.  Then, ask yourself The Three Questions. Really listen, sense and feel the answers that come.  This is a no judgment zone – let whatever experience you have with these questions be okay.  It does take practice to quiet our minds so that our heart can be heard.

Then, please feel free to share your experience with us in the comments section.  And, if you’d like to learn more, you can purchase Alan Seale’s book here.

Derived from: Seale, Alan. Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference In a Rapidly Changing World. Topsfield, MA: The Center for Transformational Presence, 2017. Used with permission.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.

Navigating a Complex World

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Our world is becoming increasingly complex and the ability to navigate ambiguity is now, more than ever, a critical leadership and life skill. We all have challenges we face throughout our life and work. Often, we react by focusing on finding someone or something to blame for our circumstances.  Then, if we can move beyond that initial reaction, we bring our skills and knowledge to bear, look for ways to fix the problem, put a plan of action together, and execute on a solution.  Our goal is to get the problem off our desks so that we can move on to the next item on our to-do list.

In some cases, this approach will work, at least for a little while.  Yet, many times, the same circumstance will arise again a few weeks or months down the road.  We find ourselves solving the same problem over and over again.  Our complex world cries out for a new approach. Alan Seale, master teacher and mentor, and the founder of the Center for Transformational Presence, offers an approach to leadership that helps us to navigate this rapidly changing world in powerful ways.

According to Alan, “Transformational Presence is not a model or a formula. It’s a way of living, leading, and serving – an approach that provides a strong foundation for conscious living and conscious leadership. Transformational Presence is also a practical set of skills that, when developed together, build and expand our capacities for awareness, understanding, perception, and effective action – capacities that are essential for navigating today’s rapidly changing world.”

I have had the privilege of attending several of Alan’s workshops and programs over the last decade.  Most recently, I attended the Transformational Presence Leadership in Action program in Connecticut. We explored the latest tools and frameworks from Alan’s most recent books, a two part set: Transformational Presence: How To Make a Difference in a Rapidly Changing World and its companion, Transformational Presence – The Tools, Skills and Frameworks. During those days, we had the opportunity to immerse ourselves in applying the work to our own circumstances and challenges.  I came away with a renewed commitment to fully integrate Transformational Presence approaches in my own life and in my work with individual clients and organizations.

When I was first introduced to this work, eight or so years ago, I have to admit that it felt a little foreign to me.  After years of working in large corporations, I had developed a strong set of skills that allowed me to solve problems and execute on goals. While I longed for what the Transformational Presence approach offered, I wasn’t quite ready to take it on board.  My logical mind was a little bit skeptical about whether I could actually see myself using the skills and tools with my clients.  Yet, something has continued calling me to this work and in the last couple of years, there has been no denying that Transformational Presence will allow my clients and me to make the kind of difference in this world that we long to make.

To support Alan Seale in his mission to share this work, the next four blog posts will each focus on one tool or framework of Transformational Presence. As we start off the tool series in our next post, we will explore the three foundational questions of Transformational Presence:
1. What wants to happen?
2. Who is that asking me to be?
3. What is that asking me to do?

Please stay tuned over the next few months as we explore a few selected components of Transformational Presence.  No matter what your role, if you are interested in helping to create a world that works, this will get you started.

About the Author: Sherry Dutra is a Talent Development and Career Coach and Facilitator who believes we each have far more potential than we typically tap in to. She helps you learn how to step into your full potential so you can create consistent, optimal performance for yourself and your team with less stress and more enjoyment. If you would like to uncover and address hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success, leverage your strengths, and accelerate your progress toward the results you desire, contact Sherry for a complimentary consultation.